Last week I wrote about how insecurity often ties back to deeper attachment wounds. I want to dive into that a little more this week, alongside some remedies to start exploring and implementing.
Insecure attachment often whispers: “I’m not enough.”
Clients with anxious attachment may come into therapy feeling like they’re too much, too needy, too sensitive, too intense. Underneath that is often a belief that they must work hard to earn love or prove their worth. Their self-esteem becomes tied to external validation relationships, praise, approval. When connection feels threatened, their sense of self can unravel quickly.
Those with avoidant attachment, on the other hand, might present as confident or independent on the outside. But often there’s a quiet, protective distance built on early experiences where vulnerability wasn’t safe. These clients may have learned to devalue closeness as a way to protect themselves from rejection or disappointment. Inside, there can be a deep insecurity “If I let someone in, they’ll see I’m not enough.”
Healing means making space for new experiences.
One of the most powerful things therapy can offer is a secure, consistent relationship, a space where someone can show up as they are and feel met, not judged. Over time, this can help shift internal beliefs. Clients begin to internalize the message: I can be seen and still be safe. I don’t have to perform or protect to be loved.
So, what’s the connection?
Attachment shapes our core beliefs about self and others. Insecurity often grows in the places where connection felt uncertain or conditional. And self-esteem? It blooms in the presence of secure, affirming relationships whether those happen in childhood, adulthood, or right there in the therapy room.
