As a therapist, I’ve spent a lot of time exploring self-worth with my clients, but also in sessions with my own therapist. For a long time, I assumed the way I felt about myself was just who I was. But an article I recently found shifted my perspective. It discussed how our self-esteem is an internalization of how others felt about us during our early years (Your self-esteem is a record of your history, n.d.). That hit home. It helped me realize that my self-doubt and fear of making mistakes were learned from early relationships, not personal flaws.
In therapy, I’ve been taking a closer look at those patterns. When I catch myself thinking I’m not enough or I’ll mess this up, I pause and ask: Whose voice is this? A lot of times, those thoughts reflect the expectations I experienced growing up. The article states that our self-expectations reflect what others expected of us in childhood. This awareness has helped me step back from old beliefs and begin to rewrite them.
This shift has transformed how I work with clients. When someone says I feel invisible or I can’t do anything right, I hear more than self-criticism, I hear their history. These are reflections of emotions from relationships where a person felt unseen, unsupported, or unbelieved. Understanding this in therapy helps clients question the origin of their beliefs and if they still have a place in their lives.
The problem is, these beliefs don’t just stay in the past. They shape our present and future. Someone who feels like a failure may avoid opportunities and slowly become what they fear, not because it’s true, but because the belief is so deeply ingrained. I’ve experienced that cycle myself, and I see it with clients too. But when we begin to understand the origin of those beliefs, they lose some of their power.
My therapist reminds me not to view myself through the eyes of those who couldn’t see me clearly. That idea has changed how I understand myself and how I’m able to help others. Therapy gives us a chance to revisit, question, and reshape our self-worth. It’s not easy work, but it’s possible. And it’s worth it.
Reference
Your self-esteem is a record of your history. (n.d.). The School of Life. https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/your-self-esteem-is-a-record-of-your-history/
