In my last post, I shared how, as a therapist, I’ve had to do personal work around self-worth and how that experience has helped me support my clients who are doing the same. But what does that look like in the therapy room? Building self-worth takes time and intention, and I’ve found that helping clients reconnect with themselves, beyond their doubt or shame, is a good place to start. The work starts with rediscovering who they are underneath the old stories.
One of the first things I do is to help clients explore purpose and meaning. We look at and discuss questions like, what motivates you to get up in the morning? What did you love doing as a child? or If you could be anyone for a day, who would you be and why? (My Therapy Toolkit, 2024). These questions seem simple but can restore a sense of strength. Clients’ favorite memories or moments of feeling most alive can bring up their core values, which we then build on. We also dig into regrets and ideal visions for their life, not to judge or fix, but to listen with curiosity and empathy.
Another layer involves identity. I ask questions about favorite foods, songs, or what they’d do if they won a million dollars, not just for fun, but because those answers reveal preferences, hopes, and joy. From there, we explore deeper reflections like, I like who I am because or I’m at peace when (My Therapy Toolkit, 2024). These allow clients to recognize parts of themselves that are lovable, strong, and worthy. We begin to uncover who they are beyond external expectations, beyond roles they’ve been told to play.
As clients develop more awareness of their strengths, I encourage them to explore specific accomplishments and challenges they’ve overcome. We talk through what they’re good at, compliments they’ve received, and the ways they’ve supported others. One of the most powerful tools I’ve used is a “strengths plan,” where clients rank their top strengths, create a plan to apply them in daily life, and reflect on how it feel (My Therapy Toolkit, 2024). Over time, as they witness themselves using their strengths, their confidence grows from their lived experience. We also talk about kindness, and how simple acts of generosity can shift how they feel about themselves.
Throughout the process, affirmations and positive self-talk are introduced. Phrases like I am stronger than I seem or I am loved more than I know are reminders, not replacements, for the work they’re doing. And while none of these tools are magic fixes, together they help create a foundation of self-connection. My goal is to help clients build a version of self-worth that is authentic, resilient, and based on who they really are, not who they were told to be.
Reference
My Therapy Toolkit. (2024). Self-esteem, identity and confidence bundle [Worksheet]. https://my-therapytoolkit.com/products/my-therapy-toolkit
